Hail, traveler! Pull up a seat and rejoice in essentially the most splendid day on the Fódlan calendar.
For you see, this present day of December the twentieth (AKA the month of the Ethereal Moon), is the birthday of Lord Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd — inheritor to the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, the venerable Boar Prince, and a licensed hottie, regardless of what that bizarre Reddit publish as soon as claimed.
‘Tis on this wonderful event that we pledge our everlasting allegiance to the Blue Lions home, with track and dance, or maybe a positive reward worthy of Lord Dimitri’s reward. Sylvain has introduced a gaudy trinket bearing the crest of Home Gautier. Annette presents a tome containing wonders untold. Dedue has introduced the severed head of his enemy, which is kinda gross however he’s doing his finest.
Wh-what’s that, traveler? You’re questioning the validity of an article celebrating the birthday of a personality from a sport that got here out 4 years in the past?
Maintain thine tongue! It is just by dire misadventure that I haven’t penned a chunk chronicling Lord Dimitri’s birthday yearly (I hadn’t considered it till now), and I posit that I’ve been furthering the Faerghus agenda surreptitiously for a lot of a season now.
Right here is an article the place I champion the values of the Blue Lions. Right here is an article the place I invite Dimitri to a tea occasion. Here’s a image of my cat Samantha.
As you’ll be able to see, the proof is irrefutable that I’m essentially the most certified to want our lord and savior a contented birthday, the timing of which is basically irrelevant.
Talking of irrelevant, this could even be a most opportune time to remind you of the atrocities dedicated by the infamous conflict prison Edelgard von Hresvelg — the blood-stained tyrant of the Adrestian Empire, perverse fanatic of Hegemon Husks, and a lady whose surname appears like a canine vomited out varied Scrabble tiles.
To even evoke her reminiscence on this holy day is sin, and I might encourage you to desecrate any and all paraphernalia associated to her home and adjoining homes. This will function your birthday current to Lord Dimitri. He might be fairly enthused, and may even immediate you to “kill each final one in all them”. Don’t be alarmed, I swear that is simply him being pleasant.
Nonetheless not satisfied of how vital December twentieth is? Then you could have an interest to study that additionally it is the birthday of soccer celebrity Kylian Mbappé, pop singer Suzuka Nakamoto, and TV actor Bob Morley, who I assumed was speculated to be a misspelling of Bob Marley till I clicked on his profile image.
These individuals might not be associated on to Lord Dimitri (at the very least, as I perceive the Blaiddyd household tree), nevertheless I’ve each motive to imagine that they are going to be equally as celebratory that they too had been birthed on this magnificent day.
Oh positive, some heathens could have moved onto shiny new toys in 2023, comparable to Fireplace Emblem Interact, what with its highfalutin magical rings that permit for a superior gameplay expertise — superb and refined inner linking Anthony, Lord Dimitri might be happy — however the troopers on provide pale compared to our humble chief.
As an illustration, had been you conscious that December twenty second is Kagetsu’s birthday? Who or what’s a Kagetsu, precisely? Undoubtedly not a stalwart champion who will convey our kingdom right into a blessed period of prosperity, with actually wonderful blond hair and an eyepatch that makes him resemble King Bradley from Fullmetal Alchemist.
Kagetsu? Extra like Neglect-you, you godforsaken son of a promiscuous okapi.
No, us true followers know that Lord Dimitri is our one shining gentle, and to stray from his path is to spit within the eye of the gods themselves. There might be no spitting at this party, traveler. Simply balloons, and confetti, and an outsized novelty cake (with completely no candles below any circumstance, as a result of Dimitri is kinda freaked out by fireplace).
We hope that you’ve got discovered this expertise edifying. Earlier than thine egress from the premises, you’re to kiss the ring of Lord Dimitri on bended knee. If you happen to’d like, you may additionally kiss my ring too. I purchased it from Walmart and it has a cool image of a cranium on it.
Did you get pleasure from this text? In that case, make sure you learn why I want to maintain fingers with Raphael from Fireplace Emblem: Three Homes. He’s a scummy Golden Deer renegade, however don’t maintain that in opposition to him.
Did you hate this text? Nicely then, darn. I’ll strive tougher subsequent time.