I will be the primary particular person to confess that my laptop simulated Tremendous Bowl predictions have not been all that correct. Regardless of predicting a number of raccoon assaults in Tremendous Bowl LV, there have been none (reported). Tom Brady did not dunk a bowling ball by way of a basketball hoop in 2019’s Tremendous Bowl regardless of my laptop projecting that he would, a number of instances, on a discipline coated with banana peels. And in 2022 I predicted there would not be a Tremendous Bowl (as a result of I forgot to do a simulation). However rumor has it, there was one??? No matter.
This 12 months I can state with confidence that my laptop modeling is certainly on the ball—and that ball is spherical and silver as a result of I am utilizing a football-themed pinball machine to foretell the 2024 Tremendous Bowl. Even higher, I am utilizing a laptop simulation of a football-themed pinball machine known as Landing Pinball to simulate the Tremendous Bowl. That is two simulations! It merely cannot be improper.
Virtually the complete sport of soccer is correct there on the machine. There are yard markers so I can calculate roughly how far every drive will get. If you knock down all 4 defenders in the midst of the sector there is a landing minigame. And there are some lights close to the highest that point out you may “kick.”
I am going to swap between pretending to be the Kansas Metropolis Chiefs and the San Francisco 49ers, the ball will characterize the ball, the paddles would be the QBs (both Pat Mahomes or Brock Purdy), and the bumpers might be gamers, like Travis Kelce, who I am mentioning as a result of he is a only a random participant for the Kansas Metropolis Chiefs, not as a result of if his identify is on this article perhaps serps will discover it extra simply. Travis Kelce, Travis Kelce.
In keeping with the primary Google outcome once I searched, there are normally between 10 and 12 possessions (or drives) per group per sport, so I am going to deal with every play as a drive and swap groups every time. As soon as I’ve performed 12 instances for every group, the sport is over and I am going to see who gained. Are you shopping for this?
Landing Pinball”
The primary play of the sport is an fascinating one! The ball goes the complete size of the sector (the punt!). On the one-yard line Pat Mahomes makes a go to midfield the place it knocks down one defender, adopted by the ball returning to the one-yard line after bouncing off one other participant (Travis Kelce). Then Mahomes lets it undergo his legs and out of bounds.
However! The ref all of the sudden yells “BALL SAVER” and there is… one other punt! Mahomes makes a second go to mid-field, then one other, then an extended one to the 20-yard line, which lastly comes again and goes by way of his legs once more. BIG TARGET MISSION START reads the scoreboard, considerably confusingly, adopted by D-FENSE USE GREEN RAMP 4 which sounds extra like stadium parking directions than what’s taking place on the sector.
However, yeah, OK, that is soccer, virtually, just about. Proper? Two punts, 4 passes, and roughly 250 yards that resulted in a nothing however a turnover. Not less than that feels so much like soccer.
The 49ers take possession and, wow. It is a hell of a drive. Brock Purdy makes 16 passes for a complete of 870 yards. Did they rating a landing? Hell no. Did the scoreboard say one thing bizarre like KICK-BACK RED PLAYER 3? Hell sure. The ball is turned over to the Chiefs however somebody, for instance me, seen you may faucet a button to shake the desk, and in order that occurred, and the sport did not prefer it and locked the paddles so Pat Mahomes could not throw a go.
Landing Pinball”
On the following drive there’s some pleasure because the 49ers get inside kicking vary. The ball bounces round a number of gamers (Travis Kelce was most likely one in all them) on the higher a part of the desk for… properly, fairly some time. It lights up the Okay, the I, and the opposite Okay, and continues to bounce across the C for what looks like 45 complete minutes. It will definitely rolls again downfield the place Purdy instantly throws it again, it bounces round a bit extra, then returns and goes by way of Purdy’s legs. Whole yards? I dunno. 700? To illustrate 700. The sport continues to be tied 0-0 as halftime approaches.
Finally the Chiefs knock down 4 gamers standing in a line in the midst of the sector and get the ball to a spot on the 50-yard line the place, as each soccer fan is aware of, touchdowns begin to occur. The minigame begins, giving me 4 paddles, which suggests Pat Mahomes has grown two additional arms—Vegas odds on this are at the moment 7,000,000,000 to 1.
Landing Pinball”
One way or the other the refs do not name a penalty for too many gamers on the sector: there are about 80 of them, together with Travis Kelce, standing inventory nonetheless as Mahomes slowly walks sideways, knocking gamers of each groups down with the soccer one after the other. He will get somewhat too excited, nonetheless, his 4 arms flailing wildly, and finally bobbles the ball. Going into halftime, there’s nonetheless no rating regardless of a mixed whole of over 8,230 yards.
The second half proceeds very similar to the primary, besides this time the 49ers handle to mild up all of the letters in KICK, however nothing particularly appears to occur. Mahomes and Purdy each make tries for a landing with little success, and the scoreboard continues to broadcast complicated sentiments like TACKLE THE RED PLAYERS 36 and PASS INTERFERENCE MULTIBALL 13.
Landing Pinball”
Lastly, simply seconds earlier than the tip of the sport, which coincides with the tip of my curiosity in enjoying pinball, Mahomes makes use of his 4 arms to patiently work his method up the sector, knocks down dozens of gamers not named Travis Kelce, and fires the ball into the endzone. It is a landing! Eventually! A soccer the scale of Travis Kelsey seems and does somewhat dance. HOLDING HIT BUMPER 48, the scoreboard excitedly proclaims.
What a rush. There’s nothing like an precisely simulated soccer sport, is there? Ultimate rating of the 2024 Tremendous Bowl? Kansas Metropolis Chiefs 6, San Francisco 49ers 0.